Developing Strategies for Dealing with Offensive Jokes  (from Hate Hurts: Chapter 11 "Joking") Begin by clarifying  for yourself what you want to get out of the situation. Try to assume goodwill.   Many people who make offensive remarks do so out of ignorance.  Because they do not intend harm, they assume no harm is done.> Sometimes it helps to talk to the person privately. Start the conversation by letting the person who offended you know that he or she is important to you and that is why you want to have this conversation:  "I wanted to talk with you, Mary, because your friendship is important to me . . ." Be honest about your feelings and state them directly.  Using the word "I" to start the conservation lets the other person know how you feel without feeling attacked; fore example, "I was hurt when I heard what you said about . . ."  You have every right to let someone know how you feel; you do not have the right to dictate what others can or cannot say.