Safe, Seen, Included: A Family Toolkit for Supporting Jewish Students

Developing self-advocacy skills is an important life skill that can be fostered from a young age. In elementary school, children are beginning to develop their sense of identity, notice difference, and navigate inter-personal relationships. It is for this reason that elementary school-aged children can use their voices to address incidents of antisemitism with support from the adults in their lives. 

Create opportunities for conversations about Jewish identity and joy. (More information can be found in Section I: Proactive Conversations.)

• Develop and model communication skills.
• Model and practice expressing emotions in more complex ways than “mad, glad, and sad.”
  • Expanding vocabulary about feelings (and modeling this by expressing your own emotions) helps younger children better express and process their own emotions.
• Build off of this expansion of vocabulary and start to discuss with your child(ren) the difference between thoughts, feelings and facts.
• Encourage questions, foster curiosity, and validate children's feelings.
• If appropriate, help your child(ren) think about how they would respond to an antisemitic incident using scenarios or picture books. This will allow the young person to consider and practice responding to an incident in a safe space.

Identify resources

• While children in elementary school have voices and thoughts that should be nurtured and encouraged, it is also important to help them to identify the adult resources that are in place to help them.
• Ask your child(ren) to identify a safe adult at school, who they can go to for support if an incident were to happen. Ask your child(ren) to identify a safe adult outside of school, who they can go to for support if an incident were to happen.
• Make sure to emphasize that if something happens that makes them uncomfortable, they do not need to address it alone and that there are many adults who will help them navigate the situation.

Emphasize support

• Throughout this process and in developing these safe spaces for conversations, always emphasize that you as a parent/caregiver are always there to support your child(ren) if an incident were to happen.
• It is also important to note for them that not all advocacy leads to the desired result, and that is okay. We can learn and grow, even when the outcome isn’t what we wanted.

Putting this into practice

• Scenario: You receive an email from your child’s school that swastikas were drawn around the building overnight. The email states that the graffiti is being removed and investigated.
  • How do you have a conversation with your child about this?
    • Start by understanding what your child knows about the incident.: What have you heard about? How does this make you feel? (Try to listen and validate more than speak). Is there anything else you want to discuss about this?
    • End the conversation with a child-level action that you can take together. Maybe this is writing an email to the principal together about helping to clean up the graffiti, maybe it’s sharing a book with the school librarian to add to the library, or maybe it’s going together to ask the classroom teacher about bringing in challah to celebrate Jewish joy one Friday, to name a few.

As young people grow and develop in their identities, so too does their ability to navigate complex conversations and ideas. As children mature, they often want to take action when they witness a form of bias, like antisemitism, and parents should encourage this step into self-advocacy. Helping to provide spaces for conversation and guidance will empower older children to address antisemitism within their communities.

Establish roles or rituals to celebrate, strengthen and support Jewish identity formation. (More information can be found in Section I: Proactive Conversations). 

• Encourage your child to explore and strengthen their own Jewish identity. 

Know Your Resources

• Research with your child(ren) the code of conduct at their school, reporting protocols that are in place, and district-level policies.
  • (Further guidance on responding to incidents can be found in Section V: What To Do When Something's Gone Wrong).
    • Consider: are there groups in your area that would offer safe spaces for a Jewish young person to share their experiences?
• Help your child(ren) identify adults (both inside of and outside of school), who can offer support and help them should an incident take place.
  • Emphasize that, while you want your child to use their own voice in navigating an incident, you are always a support for them and will always offer assistance and guidance.

Develop Your Advocacy Voice

• In regular conversations with your child(ren), create spaces for them to practice articulating concerns clearly, respectfully and concisely.
  • This is something that you as a parent/caregiver can model regularly for your child(ren), but also something that you can practice using books, news articles, and videos.
  • Provide young people with phrases that can help navigate the conversation like: “I know you meant well, but this hurt me.” or “I know this is not what you intended to say, but here’s what I heard.” or “This comment hurt me, and here’s why.”
• Develop skills to have conversations about sensitive and emotional topics.
  • Be open and honest with your child(ren): adults also struggle with this skillset, and that not every conversation on a contentious topic will go exactly how you want it to. Emphasize that these are conversations you can practice in safe spaces like with family and close friends.

Listen above all else 

• Listen to your child more than you speak. Allow them to share their thoughts and feelings without interjecting and avoid evaluative language in responding.
• Validate their feelings and emotions and provide guidance and support as is appropriate.
• Ask what their intended end-result is and how you can support them in achieving it. Make sure that you emphasize that a situation may not resolve exactly as intended, but that does not mean it is a failure or anyone did anything wrong. 

Scenario:

• At the dinner table, your child shares that someone at their lunch table was making supposed jokes about how Jews belong on trains in Europe and how Hitler hadn’t finished the job.
  • How do you have a conversation with your child about this?
    • Start by thanking them--“Thank you for sharing that with me.” Follow this with questions that will provide further information: “Tell me more,” “I see, then what happened?” or “That sounds hard/tricky–is there something that I can do to support you right now?”
    • Listen to your child and find out what steps they want to see taken. Consider using a phrase like: “Do you prefer that I just listen or that I share my thoughts and ideas?”
    • Work together on an age-appropriate response: reporting the incident to the principal, having a conversation with friends who were at the lunch table about the impact of these words (and prepping for this conversation together) or choosing to sit with a different group of people at lunch moving forward, to name a few. 

• Start by researching how your child(ren)’s school or school district is already celebrating and including diverse cultures, ethnicities and religions. This can be things like celebrating various heritage or observance months, learning through advisory or community circle time, books featured in the school library, etc.
  • Having this information is a way to positively frame the conversation with the school. You have the opportunity to highlight what they are doing well and then share ideas for areas where they can improve.
• Advocate that schools share information about Jewish holidays like Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, etc.
• Advocate that schools observe Jewish-American Heritage Month in May. Some resources on ways schools can celebrate and uplift Jewish voices and contributions to the U.S. can be found here.
• Anticipate certain responses:
  • If asked about why including Jewish voices in the curriculum is important, emphasize how much representation matters for students. Seeing themselves reflected in the classroom—from books to names in word problems to seeing holidays respected and explained—makes every child feel a sense of belonging and safety within their school community.
    • Jewish people are part of their school community and deserve to be included in curriculum like any other group.
  • Schools have incredibly limited time and do need to focus on aligning lessons to curricular standards and exams. While this is true, there are easy ways to diversify information presented to students without taking away important instructional time.
    • Suggest books that celebrate Jewish identity outside of the Holocaust. Books are a great way for students of all ages to learn about different people, times, cultures, etc. Some suggestions: Picture and Chapter Books to Celebrate Jewish American Heritage Month.
      • As students are already reading and engaging with books throughout their entire school career, diversifying the texts would allow teachers to continue to meet learning standards.
    • Suggest the school use Jewish-American Heritage Month to educate the school community about Jewish people and their role in the United States. This can be done through advisory, morning announcements, community emails, and more,. and does not need to impact instructional time.
  • Teachers have limited capacity, so if you are able, offer your willingness to assist.   Whether it’s book or resource suggestions, or time to volunteer—empathy and gratitude go a long way with educators and administrators.

Approaching school or district leadership from a partnership perspective will help establish a collaborative environment and build rapport. 

In a school setting, your audience is likely your child’s teacher, or the school administrator, depending on the incident you want to address. When an antisemitic incident occurs, first, talk with your child's teacher if the incident was classroom-based or if the teacher is directly involved. Teachers often have the most immediate ability to address classroom dynamics and can provide valuable insight into what happened. If the incident occurred outside the classroom, or if your conversation with the teacher doesn't resolve the situation satisfactorily, escalate to a school administrator or counselor. These individuals have broader authority to implement school-wide solutions and can coordinate responses across multiple classrooms or grade levels.

If the issue remains unresolved after speaking with school administrators, consider escalating to the superintendent level. This step should be reserved for situations where lower-level interventions have been unsuccessful or when the incident represents a serious violation of school policy. Throughout this process, document your conversations and any actions taken by school staff, as this information will be valuable if further escalation becomes necessary.

Try to anticipate the perspective of the person with whom you are speaking before engaging, and approach the conversation with respect and a problem-solving attitude, rather than a combative one.  Preparation is critical for communicating effectively and advocating to a successful result. It can be helpful to create talking points for yourself before having this kind of conversation. Practice delivering your message until you feel comfortable. Anticipate the teacher’s or administrator’s response, and be prepared for it. 

Clearly articulate the issue you are addressing, and its impact on your child/family and the entire school community. Do your best to remain focused on the facts and potential solutions, rather than on emotions. While your feelings are valid and important, grounding your advocacy in concrete information leads to more productive conversations and actionable solutions.